5 things to not do as freshman at U of M

1: Live on North Campus- of course, you will probably end up doing this, because that is where they exile students that overflow the college living facilities. Living in a place like Bates, you can enjoy all the charm of a Soviet blockhouse and trod 10 minutes through below 0 weather to get dinner! But don't worry! You don't even need to go outside to enjoy the wonderful-tundra like climate that Michigan experiences in the winter months. You can watch drinks left on your study desk freeze before your eyes after the boiler breaks down (it inevitably will).

2: Make friends- Everyone Freshman year is a douche bag. They are all busy "asserting" themselves and trying to "find their identities". Whether it is the rich kid from Grosse Pointe who has to tell you about all the "gangs" at his school trying to get issued a hood card, or the socially awkward honors student who knows more than you but still describes himself as a "a pretty cool guy" (and who has to constantly tell everyone about all the parties he has been to to show how down to Earth he really is), Freshman are no fun to hang around. You included.

3: Have a single dorm: You never know what crippling, soul-crushing loneliness is until you to come home every night to an empty, prison-cell sized human storage unit. Prepare to spend the rest of the year eating raman noodles and re-watching episodes of South Park on your laptop in the evenings.

4: Share a dorm- Your roommates will inevitably annoy you every hour of everyday when you share the room with them, regardless of if you like them or not. You could live with Salma Hayek for a year and still want to beat her face in the next time she bites down on her chips too loud at the climax of a House episode (Finally, I get to use "Salma Hayek and "climax" in a sentence!)

5: Go to the Football Games- Going to a U of M football game nowadays is like looking at the Coliseum: No matter how much lip service people pay to its history, it's still a ruined and crumbling, condemnable shamble. Nothing wrenches your soul more than going to the school with the winningest football program in history, then as soon as you become a student there, you witness losses to MSU, Appalachian State and the entire Big Ten. Seriously, go to a Hockey game instead.